In church the other night, Dustin taught about evangelizing. But in order to share my faith and introduce people to Jesus I have to make sure I know him personally. So I need to analyze my relationship with him.

I have known of Him since I was just a kid. All my life I have been learning of Him and all the amazing things He has done in my life. Therefore, I’d say I’ve been a Christian for basically my whole life. But being a Christian in those terms means something completely different to me than my being a Christian now.

So, when did I meet Jesus? Because that would make a turning point in my life so drastic that I will never allow myself to be the same as I was before meeting Him. I met Him November 10, 2009. That is, I REALLY met Him. It was right before I posted the post my king.

That night at CSU there was a worship service for all the college ministries at CSU. We mostly just worshiped God through song and praise. Understand that before that I refused to sing. Anywhere. Unless I was alone. However, surrounded by all these people who were passionate about our God and Savior I let myself go. I stopped caring what other people thought, I stopped caring about what I looked like or what my voice sounded like. And I just worshiped, with my whole heart. After that I was completely changed. The experience was so overwhelming and amazing.

Now for the most important question of all. Am I going to Heaven? Yes, I know for a fact that I am. You may ask how I can know this so certainly? Well because there is only one way to Heaven. Jesus said it himself.. “I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the father except through me.”
The only way I can get to Heaven is by knowing that Jesus came to this earth, God in the flesh, to die for my sins. His death was the sacrifice that freed me from eternal death.. He is the Lamb of God. He died for every sin I will ever make in my life, to make me right before God. And then to prove He was the son of God and the Messiah, he rose from the dead.

Only God can make that happen. And I believe it with my whole heart. That is how I know I am going to Heaven.
That is what gives me strength every day to strive to live the most perfect life I can by following Jesus’ example.

I want everyone to know about the sacrificial, complete, beautiful love of my Savior. Because He is all anyone could ever need.

I can do this in four ways.

1. I can worship him and constantly learn more and more about Him.
2. I can study His Word and make sure I am living by His standards, not my own, and not by the world’s standards.
3. I can pursue my passions and seek to glorify him through them.
4. I can appreciate the gifts God gave me instead of focusing on the gifts he didn’t give me but instead gave to others and realize that the gifts He gave me a unique and special in the same way as everyone else’s gifts.

I realize lately I have been trying to live up to other people’s standards rather than God’s. I have been trying to conform to my friends in order to be accepted, I have tried being passionate about things I have no interest in and ignoring my passions because they “aren’t good enough” or I’m not “good enough” at them. Honestly, if it brings me joy doing them then why should I care if I’m not the best?

This song has really true and inspirational lyrics.

“On God rests my salvation. My glory, my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, pour your heart out before him. God is a refuge for us.”

Psalm 18:2-3 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my delieverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies.”

Psalm 46: 1-3, 7 “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
I have been noticing a lot more lately that it’s easy for me to forget to rely on God in times of trial. However the Word of God specifically tells me to rely on him and that He is my refuge, He is my strength, He is my rock, He is my deliverer.  When I turn to God I can see how the trials he puts me through draw me closer to Him and help me to realize a certain change in my life that He is calling me to make.

His proclamation that He is my rock is really significant. When you build a house on a foundation of sand it is not stable. It is ever changing with the circumstance. If it is raining the sand can be washed away. Similarly, in times of trial, a life built on a foundation of media, trends, and things of the world will not be stable and they will not provide a solid foundation in which we can endure the pain or hardship. However, a house built on a foundation of rock will provide stable shelter in times of difficulty. Similarly, a life built on the foundation of God’s truth and his Word will provide us with a refuge and safe shelter where we can overcome the storm.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

-Unknown

I am surprised at the lack of commitment and responsibility people have nowadays.

It’s really sad and unsettling to see it so frequently in daily life.

Whether it concerns their relationships, friendships, morals, achieving goals (yes, this includes school if you want to actually survive when you are on your own), or even just daily activities, people constantly give up or put the blame on someone else.

“You cheat yourself of this sense of accomplishment when things are easy.” -Tim Connor

I am happy that even in times of trial I know that I have people to turn to who will encourage me to keep trying. I am also thankful that people, morals, and goals mean enough to me to stay committed to them. And I look forward each and every day to the accomplishment I will feel after remaining committed and responsible.

Matthew 22: 37-38 tells us that, according to Jesus, the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. The second most important commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.

These two commandments are Law in God’s eyes.
Many times people associate love with emotions or feelings however if God commands us to love our neighbors as ourselves this cannot be achieved through emotion all the time. Loving our neighbors includes everyone, even our enemies. Therefore it is not dependant on feelings, it is an act of the will. This type of love is a self-sacrificial love. And it is the way God loves us.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 says “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Tonight, while in a class my church is offering, the teacher challenged us to rate ourselves on a scale of 1-10 on how loving we think we are. By my standards I answered a 7 because I would consider myself a pretty loving person most of the time. At least, I try to be loving. However, after I read this verse I realized that I am really lacking in the loving department by God’s standards. Let me break down this verse.

Love is patient- I can’t even count the number of times I have been impatient even just in the past week. I get impatient with traffic, I get impatient with friends, I get impatient waiting for my mom to make dinner, I get impatient when I am waiting for a call.. etc. God calls us to be patient and to know that he will take care of things.

Love is kind- I can think of many instances when I knew I wasn’t being kind, however, I did nothing to change that. It is hard to be kind all of the time but if we have no interest in trying, we will never succeed in fully being able to love.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud- wow. Three major things I face on a daily basis. Envy, comparing myself to others and wishing that I was better like I perceive them to be. Boasting- all gifts come from God. Next time you are telling people of the great things you have done, remember that without God it would not have been possible so you have no right to claim that it was your gift. It is not proud. This point goes back to being kind. When I know I am being unkind and I know I should apologize and I don’t, I am being proud. I did this just the other day to a friend. What kind of a friend am I being by doing that? How do I expect to show God’s love through myself if I am intentionally hurting a friend?

It is not rude- This goes along with the kindness.

It is not self-seeking- Another one I consistently fail at. Loving people shouldn’t be something we do in order to get love back. It should be something we do because we want the other person to see God through us and to comfort them. It should not be based on us.

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs- yet again, more that I struggle with. How easy is it to be hurt and keep a list of those things buried deep down inside just to bring it up later when you are angry at the person. “Oh well you’ve done this and this and this and this to hurt me…” I know personally this is something I really have trouble with. I am easily angered and I use the record of wrongs to get back at the person. Two things that I should never, ever do. God said so himself!

Doesn’t delight in sin.

Rejoices in the truth, the Bible, God.

Always protects- Half of the time I am the one who people are needing protection from. This is definitely not good considering I am supposed to be protecting them.

Always trusts- The wall that I put up needs to come down. In order to love we must trust people and let them see our hearts. If we don’t trust them we can never truly love them. This is one of the areas I have the most trouble with. I notice it every day. But God commands me to trust people.

Always hopes- Love knows that the best can always be brought out in a person, situation, in life in general. I mean, hello!, we get to spend eternity in Heaven, in Paradise, the world cannot be that bad for us to lose hope when we know we are saved.

Always preservers- Even when the going gets tough, love fights all the way to the end.

Love never fails.

John 13: 34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

I have been feeling very weak lately. While reading Captivating by John & Stasi Eldridge, I have been challenged to look at how I present myself and how I act in daily situations. The heart of a woman is a magical thing. God made women in the image of his beauty, therefore, every woman has a beauty to unvail. This beauty is in her hands and in order to share it she must do three things:

1. She must make herself vulnerable. – Putting up a wall doesn’t let people appreciate your beauty and your heart. It pushes them away and that is not what we were made for. We were made to bring beauty to the world. Therefore, we can only offer our true beauty by becoming vulnerable and offering our hearts in situations that we are uncertain of.
2. She must offer her desire, not her demand. -Controlling women are women who have put up their wall. Emasculating a man will not make him love you. Pressuring him to do something or be something will not work. We must offer our desire. That is another part of being vulnerable – we must open our hearts to our desires and hope that our beauty will be seen.
3. She must offer mercy and kindness. – Women are made to be strong and fierce but they are also made to be kind and merciful. People will open up to you if you show the goodness of your heart and your willingness to help or comfort them. It is through this that our beauty is seen.

In order to love a man we cannot take the question “Am I lovely” to him.. We must take it to God. Because just as we are the product of Fallen Eve, men are the product of Fallen Adam. They strive to show their strength and at times cannot answer the question we long to have answered. God will always answer the truth, yes you are lovely. And knowing that God, the creator of the Universe, love you and thinks you are beautiful is the most amazing revelation. It is through him that your true beauty will show.

At times I struggle to not put up a wall, I struggle to trust people and to be vulnerable to them. I struggle to not strive to be something more instead of knowing that God made me who I am for a reason and through him I am beautiful. I do not need to be more. It is comforting to know that God is with me through my weaknesses and he will help me through them.

Thank you God, you are amazing.

God has really been showing me lately all the people I have hurt. I want their forgiveness but from some of them it is too late.

I would like to start making changes. God has been speaking to me. And I am willing to listen. I want to be a good friend, a good daughter, sister, and girlfriend.

I am so blessed to have Tommy, my parents, Bryan, and all of my friends in my life. I do not want to keep making the same mistakes and hurting people anymore.

“So I say, live by the spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” -Galatians 5:16
“Create in me a pure hear, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” -Psalm 51:10-12
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” -Galatians 5:22-23, 25-26